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Neutral Nothing

from Amelioration by Days Fade, Nights Grow

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Bile rises in your throat as you are deeply wounded by one of the shortest words in the language. Your throat tightens as the hard work you put into getting yourself out of bed and into the world is ripped to pieces and burnt in front of you.
The smoke smells of the room where you first felt like you didn't live in your body. In the flames you see your reflection from the moment you realised you'd hit puberty.
Not only do you want the ground to swallow you up but remove every trace of you. Snatch back every utterance of your name which has been given as a marker of an identity that you have not chosen and scratch out every perception of you from friends and family to strangers on the street.

The short word spills like burning hot treacle from the mouths of those you're afraid to show yourself to. It slowly dribbles onto the floor in big bubbles, fizzing and burning on contact, the splash back sprays you and it hurts like hell yet they cannot see this is happening. Your entire body is on fire yet they cannot see that this is happening.

I want to be invisible.
I want to be indecipherable.

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from Amelioration, released September 28, 2017

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Days Fade, Nights Grow London, UK

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